


The Suspicious Disappearance of Ties

by EventHorizon



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Ties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EventHorizon/pseuds/EventHorizon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Greg begins to notice a very suspicious pattern concerning his ties and Mycroft does not seem inclined to share his concern...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Suspicious Disappearance of Ties

**Author's Note:**

> This little fic was originally published on my tumblr, but with the current interest in our boys and ties... well, it was time to bring it out and dust it off...

      “Mycroft!  I can’t find my tie!”

      “Duly noted.”

      “Do you see it?

      “While my bedroom could be considered large, my dear, unless you are under the impression that I see a portion of the electromagnetic spectrum that eludes you, why would I see your tie if you cannot?”

      “Tosser.  At least help me look.”

Mycroft obligingly picked up the lamp and inspected it’s underside.

      “Oh ha bloody ha.”

      “I have no doubt your tie will be found at some point, however, were you not a moment ago in rather a tizzy about being late.”

      “Crap!  If you find it, just… oh hell, I need to leave.”

      “Have a wonderful day, Gregory.”

__________ 

      “Oh heavens, I do apologize.  How careless of me.  And tomato sauce stains so easily.”

      “Don’t worry about it, love.  A little soap and it’ll come right out.”

      “I shall have it tended to in the morning.”

      “Mycroft, I need my tie for work tomorrow.”

      “You wore this one today, you should choose a different one for tomorrow.”

      “Well, I would, but I’m not going home tonight am I?  I mean… I’m not, right?”

      “Perish the thought.  And I promise that you that the criminal element will not respect you less for your lack of neckware.  Now, shall we eat?”

__________ 

      “Did you have to use my tie to clean me up?  Couldn't have used a tissue or flannel like a normal person?”

      “It was the closest thing at hand.”

__________ 

      “Mycroft, what in the name of bloody hell is my tie doing in that tree!”

      “I believe it was the wind.”

      “The wind?”

      “We did choose this room because of the sea breezes.”

      “I am never doing a weekend away with you, ever.”

__________ 

      “Not my tie!  Not my tie, not my tie…”

      “I believe this is not your night to set the rules, my dear.  And I intend on indulging for a very long time.  Just lie quietly and this won’t hurt a bit.  Ah… I do remember how to tie a square knot.”

__________ 

      “What is this?”

      “I believe it is your tie.”

      “No, this is a child’s tie.  This is same one your Mum puts you in to go visit your Gran at Christmas.  This not a man’s tie.  It belongs on a doll.  Or a boy.  Or maybe a penguin.”

      “I have no explanation, Gregory.  Perhaps you are being joshed.”

      “By who?”

      “That’s not really my area.”

__________ 

      “Through the hoover?”

      “That is what I was told.  I am very sorry for your loss.”

__________ 

      “For fucks sake!  You don’t even own a dog!”

__________ 

      “Mycroft.  We need to talk.”

      “Oh… I am under the impression that conversations that begin with those specific words do not end on a pleasant note.”

      “That depends on you.  I had ties.  Not a lot, but enough.  I now have zero ties.  Well, one if you count the baby tie that I’m going to give to charity.  And I’ve noticed a common thread in all of my tie disasters and mishaps.”

      “Would it be _you_?”

      “Oh now I know you’re guilty.  You’re a cheeky bastard when you’re guilty of something.”

      “Then I must be cheeky much of the time.”

      “Mycroft!  I don’t have any ties!”

      “You say that as if it could be considered a bad thing.”

      “Of course it is!  How am I… I’m supposed to… I need my ties!”

      “That was simply brilliant, Gregory.  Most eloquent.  I now fully understand your position.”

      “Where’s your gun?”

      “Which one?  My dear, you need to reestablish your calm.”

      “I’m a tie-less DI and my lover is the one who made me that way!”

      “I’m sure he has his reasons.”

      “And would _he_ care to share them?”

      “Not that I am certain, mind you… but he might view your tie selections as affronts to the natural order of style and taste.”

      “You don’t like my ties?”

      “They make my eyes hurt.”

      “Oh… anything else?”

      “Though I have not had an analysis performed, I am confident that the chemicals from the inexpensive synthetic fibers and dyes in contact with your skin will have chronic health effects.  I fear for your continued well-being and virility.”

      “Charitable of you.  So, I have no taste _and_ no sperm.  Wonderful.  Guess I’ll be going then.”

      “No!  Gregory… I meant no offense.”

      “Really, you could have fooled me.”

      “And I apologize.  I simply… the ties you owned were not suitable for you.  They met the fate they deserved.”

      “Since I picked each one myself, we’re still standing on offensive ground.”

      “And I would surmise you chose each one based on cost, durability, proximity to the front of the display, ability to be paired with at least three of your shirts and jackets and, also, the ability to be washed rather than dry-cleaned.  Am I correct?”

      “I hate you.”

      “No, you love me, but _I_ do not love your ties.  You purchased them based on practical concerns and that is not appropriate for a tie.  If you cannot choose properly, then you shall not wear one.”

      “I get it.  You want to take me tie shopping.”

      “I… I could, I suppose.”

      “What the hell?  That surprised you.”

      “You are mistaken.”

      “No, that’s the same look on your face as when I said you could spank me.  What’s really going on here, Mycroft?”

      “Nothing.”

      “I disagree.  Give it up.”

      “Gregory, this is ridiculous…”

      “Mr. Holmes, do not make me consider you a hostile witness.”

      “Oh, do file that away for later, won’t you.”

      “Yeah, that was actually the wrong tack to take but, it’s going in the mental filebox.  Don’t distract me, though.  Come on, Mycroft… you have fully and spectacularly rid me of every one of my ties and it’s pretty clear it’s not just because I offended your sense of clothesworthiness.”

      “If you must know… I prefer you without a tie.”

      “When?”

      “Always.  A tie is an accessory to improve one’s appearance and that is not required for you.”

      “Really?”

      “It is rather like gilding the lily.”

      “That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.”

      “Then I have been quite derelict in my treatment of you, my dear.”

      “No… I like it.  And I guess… it’s not mandatory that I wear a tie.”

      “Then you will consider leaving them out of your wardrobe?”

      “I can’t do that completely.  Official functions, court… I do have to wear them occasionally.”

      “Very well.   May I assist you in your choices?”

      “Will that mean I actually get to keep them?”

      “Indubitably.  One does not desecrate a quality tie.”

      “Just a copper’s tie.”

      “Truly that is the best use for them.”

      “Ok… I can’t totally disagree.  Does that mean can do the thing we did the other night again?”

      “I thought you said you didn’t have any more ties?”

      “Well, I have that little one and I bet you could get him nice and snug.  I'm not _that_ thick, though it's a close thing.”

      “Can you bring it with you tomorrow night?”

      “Try and stop me.”


End file.
